benefits of funeral advice
Most people arranging a funeral know little about the process, feel disempowered and vulnerable and are easily overwhelmed. But when a sympathetic and knowledgeable person guides them through the process, they are able to make good and appropriate choices for a funeral that feels right. Being able to say goodbye in your own way and arranging a personal funeral that provides comfort, inspiration and hope, helps the grieving process and provides good memories.
The main studies of the funeral industry since 1995, The Office Of Fair Trading Report, The Charter For The Bereaved and Funeralcare Forum Report, all came to the strong conclusion that people need clear and independent information at the time of need in order to make their choices during the time leading up to the funeral.
We are often amazed at the beneficial effects families gain by having the information, understanding and support to become more involved. When families and friends come together to really think about what they want to do in order to say their final goodbyes and to create a heartfelt funeral, one that could only be about that person, personal, intimate and moving, they gather strength and lay down a fund of good memories to sustain them through the inevitable moments of gloom and despair that most bereaved people feel.
Coming together to paint a coffin, make a photograph board, gather memorabilia, choose music and poetry or simply to sit with the body of the person who has died gives opportunities to tell and listen to stories, laugh, cry, grieve and feel part of a community of those that loved the person. For a family to be able to ask informed questions of funeral directors, crematoria and cemetery staff, decide what they want and feel confident about their choices gives a sense of autonomy at what can be a very disempowering time. We find that, when families do this, and of course we recognise that it is not for every family or for every circumstance, they benefit from the experience and they often talk about it positively for years afterwards. It becomes part of the story of the person who has died and the family.
People are voicing a need for better funerals and for more choice about what happens to their loved ones between death and the funeral. There are very few rules in relation to funerals, for example about where ceremonies can be held, who conducts them, what they contain or the means by which the body is transported to it. A burial can even be made on private land if appropriate.
As awareness grows, more and more people want to have influence over their own funeral and to make their wishes known in advance. If someone is already terminally ill, this can lead to an opportunity for families to communicate with each other more openly, acknowledging what everyone already knows in their heart of hearts, and through that be better prepared for the death when it comes, leaving fewer loose ends and misunderstandings which can cause so much sadness, regret and stress following a death.
"In the hours and days following her death, the thoughtful way in which you worked cleared the path for us to make the numerous decisions that faced us and served to minimise our stress, freeing us to arrange the farewell of our late mother in the way that we feel she would have liked.” Rod Nelson and Clare Ballard
“I found doing much of it ourselves very therapeutic”. Angela Rouncefield
"Thank you so much for your help with organising Wendy's funeral. It was so good to be able to explain our ideas and have some suggestions to enable it to happen the way we wanted.” Stef Dent